Being Different is Hard to Explain

Dear Big T,

I was a failure today.  All was good, waking up early doing my mile, sit-ups and weights and gearing up for a day of AIMS.  Yoga clothes packed, cute dress on and my bright red moccasins, to think of my super powers ready to pass onto my students.  I had my cheer ready, in fact I taught it to them last week…they hated it, either I lost my touch or my crowd has changed…I am going to think it is the crowd.  Not enough cheerleaders in my homeroom.

Then it hit…my world was closing in, all I could think of is hit the deck, so the the floor became my friend.  David, not home as he is in Nevada meeting with a bunch of others and helping with the Bundy Ranch situation.  I guess he is a hot-shot…well, the real govenor of the house was sick, I was scared and I was alone.  I grabbed my phone and texted my son. All I could think of.  Then I emailed school, and one of my teachers in my grade level.

With that done.  I made it to the couch, staring at my bright red suede shoes, and tears came down my face.  Fear, panic, an aura that was a prelude to a grand mal seizure.  So I popped meds, and waited and waited. My son texted me through the tough part and then like magic it all passed.  His love and kindness (I knew he was scared) had brought me back to my reality of the importance of life, family.   The worst was over and no seizure came over me.  Just the aura…a scary one.  All stress induced, always, always, always.

All day as I rested I felt like a failure, what was I accomplishing nothing.  My kids were waiting, and I had put a damper on my team.  I was lonely, scared and upset.  I felt alone, like I was the only one in the world who  had what I have…I felt like a failure.  Until tonight, today was what it was, and with my body rested, my husband safe and travelling home, and a co-worker driving Miss Daisey (movie reference) tomorrow to school I am set for another day..  Another day to make a difference in lives, another day to love my family and another day to share my challenge with you…but now yoga is put back until Wednesday, but all the other parts of the challenge are being met, in fact last night I did 300 sit-ups and 5 extra squats because I thought you would be cheering me on and demanding more of me, just as I always demanded more from you as a student.

So, while I am different, I am not a failure…just different.  And tomorrow I am going to thank God for all my blessings something I have not done for awhile.  I was too busy being mad.  Not a good place to be.

So until tomorrow…while no yoga till Wednesday so I can heal, the rest of the challenge continues…off to sit-ups and weights and then bed.

Good-night!  My prayers!

T

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