New Theme…Very Fitting

Dear T,

I do hope you are feeling stronger today, I do.  Turning over my life to God last night and giving up my anger did lessen my stress.  Personally, I just need a vacation.  My love for travel has not been filled for quite sometime.  It is time to smell some roses.  I watch the faces of my students and their attempt at the AIMS and I think back fondly to you and your eagerness for perfection.  I know, now that you achieved that, and it makes me proud as it was always in you, still in you, and will always be in you.  Taking to heart my mantra of Never Say Never.  When life gives lemons you  make lemonade…I have made batches and you my friend I am sure through these years have made enough to quench the thirst of many. 

While my yogi gear sits, I will wait until my body is ready, I believe tomorrow…and then the adventure will begin.  Clean eating, clean exercise equals clean life and mind.  I wish you could run, catch and play.  I wish you could be by my side in a room that is heated abnormally to clean out toxins…I wish for alot, and know I cannot control any.  I sit on the sidelines with you as my guide.  It is silly to do this challenge some may say, as what will it accomplish for you…plenty, communication with your favorite teacher and of course a few laughs, as I truly always have a story to tell…always, and saying and proving Never Say Never…which is a  theme of my life and you have taken it to the highest level.  Stories come from listening and paying close attention and not trying to be the center of attention.  I know you could tell you fair share…you dad, however does capsulize your week(s) beautifully.

So, for today I sit, diet coke in hand, as caffeine helps ward off fuzzy minds, in my case.  Watching my students, I wait, I proctor and I wait some more…I am completely out of control.  I hate that feeling!  I gave them their challenge and as always some, the strong will rise, and others will not.  Meeting challenges shows character and faith in the human spirit.  It also shows love, respect and faith in their teacher…this year, not all have that, in fact most do not.  I am sad by this…truly.  But I continue on as I have created huge challenges for myself and my students that they can meet, they have proved that…but will they when it counts. 

That separates the men from the boys…as they say. 

Big T, long ago you became a man as you were always wise beyond your years noting in your heart who cared and who you could trust, making good choices and always doing the right thing.  So meet your challenges head on…and I will continue not only with my class but starting the personal challenge tomorrow for you and for myself.  As for letting God back into my life.  Thank you, you played a huge role.  Until tomorrow!

T

 

Being Different is Hard to Explain

Dear Big T,

I was a failure today.  All was good, waking up early doing my mile, sit-ups and weights and gearing up for a day of AIMS.  Yoga clothes packed, cute dress on and my bright red moccasins, to think of my super powers ready to pass onto my students.  I had my cheer ready, in fact I taught it to them last week…they hated it, either I lost my touch or my crowd has changed…I am going to think it is the crowd.  Not enough cheerleaders in my homeroom.

Then it hit…my world was closing in, all I could think of is hit the deck, so the the floor became my friend.  David, not home as he is in Nevada meeting with a bunch of others and helping with the Bundy Ranch situation.  I guess he is a hot-shot…well, the real govenor of the house was sick, I was scared and I was alone.  I grabbed my phone and texted my son. All I could think of.  Then I emailed school, and one of my teachers in my grade level.

With that done.  I made it to the couch, staring at my bright red suede shoes, and tears came down my face.  Fear, panic, an aura that was a prelude to a grand mal seizure.  So I popped meds, and waited and waited. My son texted me through the tough part and then like magic it all passed.  His love and kindness (I knew he was scared) had brought me back to my reality of the importance of life, family.   The worst was over and no seizure came over me.  Just the aura…a scary one.  All stress induced, always, always, always.

All day as I rested I felt like a failure, what was I accomplishing nothing.  My kids were waiting, and I had put a damper on my team.  I was lonely, scared and upset.  I felt alone, like I was the only one in the world who  had what I have…I felt like a failure.  Until tonight, today was what it was, and with my body rested, my husband safe and travelling home, and a co-worker driving Miss Daisey (movie reference) tomorrow to school I am set for another day..  Another day to make a difference in lives, another day to love my family and another day to share my challenge with you…but now yoga is put back until Wednesday, but all the other parts of the challenge are being met, in fact last night I did 300 sit-ups and 5 extra squats because I thought you would be cheering me on and demanding more of me, just as I always demanded more from you as a student.

So, while I am different, I am not a failure…just different.  And tomorrow I am going to thank God for all my blessings something I have not done for awhile.  I was too busy being mad.  Not a good place to be.

So until tomorrow…while no yoga till Wednesday so I can heal, the rest of the challenge continues…off to sit-ups and weights and then bed.

Good-night!  My prayers!

T

Yes, Great Hair is Important for My Yoga Debut

Before starting this post for my blog on my 30 day adventure and challenge for superman and myself. I was reminded that his health is failing due to a FB post. So it is 30 days of walking 200 situps a day, arm weights and the dreaded 75 min of working on my mind and body dripping of sweat and getting to a place where the mind takes over the body rather than the body doing all the work.

So heading to my closet I pulled out my yoga pants, and my Be Still shirt from the designs of the Hallsey family. The yoga pants fit fine, but no one ever is going to say to me you look great in yoga pants, but my goal was simple, not to look like a sweaty beached whale, not an easy task in a room filled with ladies that lunch during the week and sweat it off in the evening or weekends. Hot Yoga, a form of Bikram set to music and enhances the flow and movement aspect of the Ashtanga practice, has become a cult-like addiction that many across AZ have picked up either to be seen, to blast their yoga talents, or they are searching for more for not just the body but to allow the mind to quiet. I am in the last group. I do not lunch and I do not have any ability in anything athletic, think back to my rides on skateboards every year for my literature class to learn the concept Never Say Never…but always enjoyed to look the part. I have tennis outfits, running, walking and of course the necessary golf shoes. Personally, my patience with that game ends after the first swing, but I have a passion for the miniature type and thus the shoes come in handy…and with plenty of stares once we hit a crowded hole…they are quite the head turners. So with the clothes on and my attitude and mental picture of myself adjusted well enough to wear the attire, I am gearing up for the big game. Mat…Check…Flip Flops…Check…Water and more water…Check and check. Ready!

 

So all dressed and ready to go at 10 am…class is at 4pm…so I will wait, wait, and wait. Well, of course a 100 reasons to back out I could find today, I had none and the excitement of walking out of the class feeling the challenge and unnecessary amounts of water on my body was exciting. Plus a promise is a promise and a challenge is a challenge of both learning of the mind and body and during the days that you are my leader. So why all of this, why a challenge because it is all I can do, other than visit…and I feel that you deserve so much more. All of this week and weekend are organized and they are listed in my calendar as appointmets not just a casual drop-in if I want to moment. I am ready.

Walk…Check

Sit-ups…Check

Weights…Check

Yoga…ummm

 

And then, I fell asleep. I was practicing being in the moment, I am sure of it.

Yesterday, I slept a total of 3 hours…so I put my little head down after basic house stuff was completed, yes the diva can do a mean crockpot…3 ingredients or less thank you.

And slept for 4 hours…oops! Wearing the Be Still shirt was a motivational experience to truly not move and just dream…since body and mind do come first, I accepted this as not a failure but just a reality.

 

So my first class will have to wait until Tuesday (as no one ever cancels a Monday hair appt.) to start my challenge, but in essence while my body only paritally started today, my mind did, and that for me was important…just as crucial as realizing that yoga gear is flattering is never something I will hear from no one ever….and that is ok. I will leave that to the ladies that lunch, the ones who come to look cool in their designer gear…and the others like me, well I hope, understand that this is a body and mind event and their will be days to honor thy body. So that is why I napped to honor my temple…sounds good, and it is the reality. If I was on my mat and not the couch I would have to accept each move, each pose, each moment, so the couch and warm blanket were accepted, and I moved on and let it go.

Tomorrow is another day, another challenge to conquer to fulfill for you my super hero that will move me and my mind and spirit each and everyday, and tonight I will sleep to have all the energy for the activities planned to honor the moving that cannot be done by you at this moment but can easily be done by me…so with you the coach and me the mover, along with proper sleep will be conquered. A challenge is a challenge and each day will have bumps and a few turns along the way, my turn was a definite sharp right angle, no, more of a flat line that gave me not a class but clarity. So Superman, I am praying for you today, praying everyday and while my body let me down today for my total goal, my mind and heart never let you down for one moment.